My dear, you deceived me.
You let me think you were someone else and then you so suddenly changed your way.
You wanted or wished to be different from what you were before I met you and let me see a person I thought I liked.
The issue is that I not only liked you, but loved you. A lot.
Now you say you no longer like to be that guy, you no longer want to act like that or no longer like the things you liked.
Like hugs. Long hugs. My hugs.
And I am hurt like hell and I don’t know how to react.
Now I no longer know who you are or whom I love: the old you or the new you. Who is the old you? Who is the new you?
Who is the guy living in your body, whose arms I longed for to hold me?
How am I to accept only short touches when I long for the life-giving hugs?
Your words “I no longer want long hugs, I never did, actually, I tried and it was very hard for me to do it” hurt me.
Why did you do it then?
Was it only to get accepted in the group? Or in my heart?
You didn’t even realize how much this hurt me.
I felt deceived.
I even thought it was my fault that I couldn’t accept this change.
Swords to my heart that were your words yesterday.
“If you want to be with me, you got to accept this and if you don’t it’s blackmail.”
Not only that, but when I tried to joke about that and I told you “It’s not blackmail, it’s back blackmail” you left.
You left me there with empty arms and empty heart.
I realized later what happened:
You deceived me!
You deceived yourself, too. But mostly me, because I was the one falling.
And I felt even worse because you made it sound as if it was my fault.
It’s not! Its yours!
I see two people inside you now: one – caring, warm, ready to give a helping hand and another – selfish, self-sufficient, closed in.
How can I find out which one is really you?
Will I like who you are when and if I do?
Will I still love you?
snm.
The dark side of sunshine 